Showing Up for Me First

I see You

Today, I am learning to lead differently. I create differently. I love differently. I communicate differently, heck I even dress differently. Not from depletion, but from devotion. Devoting meaningful time with me, feeling my soul, listening to my body, and clearing my mind. Unearthed Homestead is not my new small business—it’s a living reflection of my own healing. Every tea blend, every session, every path that connects me to me is an invitation for me to - Come Home to Myself.

Showing up for me first doesn’t mean abandoning others. It means I no longer abandon myself. It means I trust that when I am rooted, I can hold space with integrity, not obligation.

The new tension between growth and grief, between striving and surrender honors my truth and invites me into more reflection.

“The Weight of My Agreements”

With every step I take toward healing, I find myself brushing up against old agreements—the silent vows I made long ago, often without realizing, those are the hardest one for me. It often stops me in my tracks when I understand the most horrific and negative messaging came from individuals who are closest to me. I am always asking myself to stop and wonder where the thought or actions come from that start coming up for me through situations or conversations. You know like the the voices I hear saying keep trying to be the perfect mother. The ever-available friend. The strong sister. The devoted wife. The most valued employee. Each role carried its own expectations, its own invisible contracts. And now, as I walk this path of reclamation, I feel the weight of them pressing against my ribs. At different times of course, if all at once I would collapse, or run away never to return." Oh wait that is what I have been doing all my life."

Some days, I move forward with clarity. Other days, I stumble—not because I’m failing, but because I’m finally feeling. I’m beginning to understand how these agreements shaped my choices, my voice, my silence. I’m learning which ones to confront with compassion, and which ones to release without ceremony. I even now understand "my ceremony" It has been to tell a negative story over and over again to anyone who will listen, to drag them into agreement with me about that situation or person. Now that is witchcraft

Thank God for this journey

This journey isn’t linear. It’s layered. Messy. Sacred. I’ve made mistakes—some I’ve forgiven, some I’m still learning to. But I no longer measure my worth by perfection. I measure it by presence. By the courage to keep showing up, even when the path is foggy.

So if you’re reading this and carrying your own set of silent vows, agreements, know this: you’re not alone. If you take one thing away please let it be You can and should rewrite the terms of your life. Lay down what no longer serves. Then rise, again and again, not in spite of setbacks—but because of them.

My heart is a little less heavy with every movement towards reclaiming my life. As I learning to unearth all the does not serve me anymore, I am able to see, hear and think with clarity.

Oh how I am grateful for this new chapter of growth and wellness.